i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
