if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
