hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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