Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Will exercising make me less horny?
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