it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
