dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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