You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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