I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
