I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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