you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
two words: eviction party
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Randomize
