"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
