So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
