No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
