Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
