Swine flu. Run for my life!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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