apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
