Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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