Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
