Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
