Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
