I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize