Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
