Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I cannot find my penis.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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