If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it glows. i had to have it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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