Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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