i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
