Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
