Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
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