do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
