you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize