So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
