He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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