why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
