please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
