he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Boobs speak an international language.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
