just tell him i said nine months
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize