Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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