I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize