That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
