I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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