dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
