Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Non-Jews are for practice
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
