my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
