When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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