WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
