Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize