do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
