just come out here and I will go home with you...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
