hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
