glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
