five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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