She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
