i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
