Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
