he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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