He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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