Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
