when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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