piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
