This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
