Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
look no pants
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize