omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
